Batty New Year


  • December 2004


  • Our Batty Best to all of you in this brand spankin' New Year! 


  • We certainly have missed you, but, as is our wont, we just couldn't break away from all our familial and social commitments in December to play a gig.  So here we are in January, ready to begin anew and celebrate with a whoop-dee-do!  On Saturday, January 22, we'll perform two cabaret shows in that funky little international bistro that is Natasha's Cafe, at 112 Esplanade, right across from The Kentucky Theatre.


  • At 7:30, you early birds can catch the worm/bat (which sounds like wombat, but isn't); and at 10:00, you night owls can swoop and fly with your favorite wild women!  Golly gee, we just can't wait to see everybody!  Please join us.  Your cover goes directly to The Bats to help pay off our massive holiday Visa bill. 


  • We have news.  Instead of one of those long, drawn-out, braggy holiday letters, we'll just briefly mention what's been going on in The Bat Cave during our hiatus.

    MELANIE JOHNSON unlocked her inner child, bought her a new dress and some party shoes, and then took her out for a clam roll at Howard Johnson's.


  • MISSY JOHNSTON lost 50 pounds by subsisting only on red wine and fried pies.  She is now writing a book entitled "You Want A Pepcid With That?  One Woman's Journey Into The Cult of The Thin."


  • MARILYN ROBIE modeled lingerie for the new Gucci collection in Milan.  Wrapped in sixteen feather boas and festooned with a 3-pound diamond tiara, she was the talk of Italy.  Sophia Loren declared her "the new me!"


  • MARIANNE SHERMAN impersonated Al Roker, fooling everyone long enough to light the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree.  She then revealed the hoax, removed her mask, and flitted into the night sky, shouting, "It's a Hanukkah bush!  It's a Hanukkah bush! Hahahahahaaaa....!" 


  • SUSAN THOMAS was called to Vegas at the last minute to take over Celine Dion's show, when the Canadian songbird smacked herself on the collar bone once too often.  Susie received stunning reviews, and in the (drunken) excitement of it all, she married an Elvis impersonator who insisted on calling her "Priscilla."  She left him when he took a 3-hour, pre-wedding- night potty break, stating that "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and that includes that lard-a*sed dude in the jumpsuit."


  • CRAIG CORNWELL, JIM GLEASON, AND HAROLD SHERMAN, not surprisingly, attended group therapy, and now feel ready to once again back up The Bats.  If there's enough beer involved.  They will accept donations at the next gig, thank you very much.


  • Happy New Year! 


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