Batty Holidays!

December 2008

 

'Twas the BAT before Christmas 
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the cave,
All wings were a-flapping, as The Bats misbehaved.
Fishnet stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Santa Baby soon would be there.

The Bats were home, darlings, but they weren't in their beds,
Not while visions of rock stardom danced in their heads.
And Melanie in her miniskirt, and Jim in his tee,
Had just tuned up for a wild guitar spree. 

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
We dropped our guitars to see what was the matter.
Away to the entrance we flew like a flash,
Swept away all the guano, and hid our booze stash.

The moon on our breasts made 'em look pretty great
And we thought for a second, "Hell, yeah, we still rate!"
When, what to our wondering radar should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and fat,
We knew in a moment it must be St. Bat.
More rapid than beagles her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Cosmo! now, Gimlet! now, Martini and Rossi!
On, Sloe Gin! On, Merlot,  Manhattan and Saucy!
To the top of the cave! We must gift The Bats all!
So dash away! Dash away! Dash away, y'all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the cave-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of booty, and St Bat too.


And then, in a twinkling, we heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As we drew in our wings, and were turning around,
Down into the cave St Bat came with a bound.

She was dressed in fake fur, from her head to her Blahniks,
And we swore she was tipsy on vodka and tonics.
A bundle of gifts she had packed in her bag
 And she looked like a hooker, a floozy, a hag.

Her eyes, were they blood-shot! her top lip,  how hairy!
Her cheeks like Four Roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her botoxed two lips were puffed up like a bow,
And her blonde hair the color of--yuk!--yellow snow.

The stub of a cig she held tight in her teeth,
And the smoke it encircled her head like a wreath.
She had a flushed face and a little pot belly,
That shook when she laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

She was chubby and plump, a right rowdy old crone,
And we laughed when we saw her, right there in our home!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her pelvis,
Soon gave us to know she was a big fan of Elvis.

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And filled all the fishnets, then turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a snort, from the Bat cave she rose!

She sprang to her sleigh, to her team gave a yell,
And away they all flew like a Bat out of hell.
But we heard her exclaim, ‘ere she drove out of sight,
"See you January 10th; it'll be a good night!"

 

THE BATS
at
NATASHA'S BISTRO
Saturday, January 10, 2009
8:00
First Show of the New Year!
 
Auld Acquaintances and all that stuff!
Reservations available NOW at (859) 259-2754
Happy Rockin' Holidays to Batfans Everywhere!

 

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